It's been a while...

      Margie and I have been doing really well. We have been busy with multiple things lately so I've skipped writing. Things are the pretty much the same as always. Some days are good and some are neutral and some are terrible. I will share the best days. 
      One of the two best days since my last writing was when she and I and her daughter and some friends went out to eat. Margie really loved that. And she really loved the fact that I shared my birthday cookie and ice cream with her. But she is always happy when she has ice cream and sweets.
      Another wonderful day was when she got to see her grandson in a play! There were some bad moments for her during the play because she didn't know where she was or why it was dark but we got through it. After the play when she got to see her grandson dressed up in his costume she smiled happily. Actually that is an understatement. She was beyond happy. The smile on her face was one of the best moments ever for me. She glowed. 
      There was a downside to the play though. Due to the high activity and interaction and simulation the days following the play were very difficult. During the moment it was fantastic but it caught up to her and she was exhausted for several days and rather grumpy. And that took a toll on me. We got through it though. We always do. 
       Now we are moving on to an new adventure! We are moving! Moving is going to be a huge shock to her and disrupt her schedule extremely. I already know this but moving is a necessity since Margie's bathroom is too small to fit the Hoyer lift. There have been times that I have needed it but had to figure out something else because the bathroom is just to small. So our solution is to move. 
      I probably won't have time to update my blog until after the move. And it might be longer than that because I will have to get Margie settled in and comfortable. Plus I have to clean and unpack and do all those fun things a person does when he or she moves. This is going to be a new hurdle to overcome. I will let everyone know how it goes! 

Yesterday Morning VS This Morning!

      Yesterday

      Yesterday did not start out well at all. I got Margie into the bathroom and started morning cares. Getting her PJ's and under shirt off was easy, but when I started to help her get her day clothes on she started to fight against me. I asked her to lift her arms up and she did so I flipped her shirt over her head. As I was straightening her shirt out she punched me in the eye. I stood up straight and asked her why she would do something like that when I'm just helping her. Her reply was that she did it because I told her to lift her hands up. Then she started to mumble that I deserved it and that it's all my fault. I bit my tongue and continued morning cares.
      Then I moved on to the rest of the morning cares. I got her bottoms off and got her pull ups on and when I starting to get her legs into her pants she kicked me in the face. I didn't say anything and just got her bottoms on. Then it was teeth brushing time. She didn't like that I made her brush her teeth so instead of spitting in the cup she spit on me. Then I put some body mist on her to give her a fresh clean sent and freaked out and started to yell. I told her it was perfume to make her smell beautiful. Her reply was that I needed it more. I cleaned her bottom and got her into her wheel chair. 
      Finally we were out of the bathroom and done with the morning cares. I thought that would make her perk up and a bit nicer. Well it didn't do anything. When I was washing my hands she scratched herself and blamed me. And then because I told her I was in the bathroom and couldn't have done it she started to ask an invisible man to shoot me for lying. Her mood was making me exhausted.
      I moved her out to the dining room and got her some apple juice and a banana to start with. I got yelled because she didn't think I was saying banana right. And every time I said banana she would tell me to shut up. I tried to feed her and asked her to take a bite of her banana and she made a face and shut her mouth tight and pushed the fork away. "You poisoned it! I'm not going to eat it," she yelled at me. I sat the fork down and she grabbed it and tried to stab me with it. Thankfully my reflexes are much faster than before and I got the fork away from her and moved it away from her.
     I stepped into the kitchen for a moment to take a drink of water and take a deep breath before I returned to the table. I got her to eat her banana even though she wasn't happy about it and kept yelling at me and glaring at me. After that I put her in front of the TV and turned on The Sound of Music and walked away and sat down in the kitchen and had a cup of tea to calm down. 

Today

      Today was the complete opposite of yesterday. Margie woke up happy and excited and sat up easily and walked from her bed to the bathroom! She was excited for bacon for brunch the beautiful day. I got her ready with perfect ease and then we moved into the kitchen. 

      Margie certainly did enjoy her bacon. She had 3 thick slices and a yogurt and a banana. Plus she had four glasses of apple juice and about a cup of Goldfish crackers! She was on a roll. Also, she didn't complain about taking pills! When she is in a good mood I am in a good mood! We watched a bit of Cinderella before exhaustion hit her and I tucked her into bed for a little nap. 

      

     

-It's amazing how much each day differs. Yesterday was a struggle and today, even though she is very tired, she is in a good mood and involved when I talk to her. I never know what day I'm going to get when I walk into her bedroom. I'm just glad that today is starting out well.  -Danielle 

Saint Patrick's Day

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!

      Today wasn't the happiest day for Margie. She woke up panicking and yelling for help. I rushed into her room and once she saw me she calmed down a little bit. I asked her what was wrong and she kept saying that everyone left her and wouldn't help her get out of the fire. I sat down next to her and held her hand and stroked her hair until she calmed down. It didn't work at first but I kept changing the subject. I was telling her about the birds on the patio and that made her want to see them. So I got her up and ready and she seemed all better during morning cares. 

      However, that didn't last. When I got her out to the kitchen she start signing and resting her head on her hand. She got up earlier so I knew she would be more tired than normal but she wouldn't eat or drink. I struggled to get a yogurt into her. She needed some sleep so I put her in her recliner to get a little shut eye before her daughter came over. 

      Margie's daughter got here and Margie stayed asleep for a little bit until we got her out of the chair. She perked up a little bit and then Margie and her daughter went down to the indoor pool. When they were done Margie's daughter put her into bed for a rest and left. 

      The rest didn't go well. After sleeping maybe fifteen minutes she woke up and started chatting away to the people and things she saw in her mind. I let her talk it out for about 30 minutes before I got her up. 

      After I got Margie up she seemed okay. She was talking very goofy and I had no idea what she was talking about but I acted like I did and she giggled and smiled. But after a few minutes, even with me talking to keep her involved she started to sigh and close her eyes. Her daughter Pat called and it helped a little bit but Margie kept talking more to me than Pat. But at least she was a bit more involved. 

      Margie and I enjoyed a nice supper after Pat called. She ate very well and had good portion so that made me happy and relieved. But she still wasn't drinking any liquids even when I asked her and tried to help her. That is when she started to get cranky and told me to get my hands away and leave her alone. That's when I moved her into my room to watch Cinderella. 

      Cinderella kept her entertained and involved for about fifteen minutes and that is when she started asking if she was going to sit all night long. I skipped the movie to a song and turned it up because that usually makes her sing or hum along. That was not the answer either. She started complaining that she has heard that song a million times and she is sick of it. So I turned on a food show and she watched for a minute before saying, "I'm so sick of this. Can't I go to my room and go to bed?" 

      It was still too early for bed so I changed the channel. That didn't work so started asking her what she used to do during Saint Patrick's Day. She would not reply no matter what I did. She started saying she wants to go to her room again so I took her too her room and tucked her into bed after night cares. She was asleep before I finished my night routine of prayers, talking about the day, and having her repeat after me. 

-Today was a pretty basic and normal day. Days like this happen a lot. I don't have anything to comment about today because I'm so used to days like this now. I guess all I can say is that when Margie asks to go to bed earlier I agree as long as it's not too early. When I listen to what she wants, whether getting up in the morning or going to bed earlier or whatever else she asks, it makes the day or next day go a bit smoother. This way she gets some control over what she wants and doesn't want to do and it makes her feel better. Thanks for listening and reading.     -Danielle 

The Past Month

      For the last month, from my last post to now, the days have mirrored each other for the most part. Some days have been a bit better and some a bit worse, but mainly they remained neutral. There was one horrible day a few of days ago that I will talk about. 
      The bad day stretched my patience thin and wore me out. I always start waking Margie up by opening the blinds and letting the sunlight shine on her and let her rouse a bit. Then after fifteen to twenty minutes I turn on some music she likes to finish waking her up and to put her in a good mood.
      Those things did not work. After letting her listen to music for a while I tried to get her up but she fought against me and clung to the side of her bed and kicked at me so I could not move her into a sitting position. I stepped away and let her wake up a bit more. I waited about twenty minutes and tried again. The same thing happened. 
      On days like this one I would usually change her in bed and pivot her to her chair. But I could smell that there was a big of mess in her pull up, and it would have been too difficult to change her in bed that way without the mess getting all over everything. So I decided to lift her into a sitting position and pivot her into her wheel chair and then moved her into the bathroom so I could get her cleaned properly in there. 
      That did not work. For over two hours I struggled to get Margie up. She did not want to cooperate. She spit at me when I talk to her and asking her to stand, she bit me when I tried to get her up by hugging her and getting her on to her feet, she called me every name in the book, she hit me, and yelled and everything you could possibly think of. 
      To try and put her in better mood and to change what her brain was thinking I did different things. These are some of the things I did: hummed, played music, gave her food, took her out to the living room and walked up and down the space, opened the patio door to give her fresh air and let her watch the birds. I also clapped and danced and told her company was coming over and we had to get ready to go out. Company was coming over, her daughter, but we weren't going out. But even with all the things I tried she still would not get up and pivot for me. 
      I was getting wore out and my patience was just running thin and I was so frustrated I was crying because I did not know what to do. But I did not let Margie see any of those things. I stepped away a few times and take a deep breath and get some fresh air and gather myself and I would try again and fail again and then step away to cool down yet again.
      Finally, Margie's daughter got there and she helped me. It was still difficult, but Margie's daughter held her up so I could get her bottoms down and onto the toilet. Then I stepped outside and sat down in my lawn chair and let her get Margie ready for the day so I could unwind. And then I went out with my mom for some time away. 
      After I got back from my break Margie was a-okay. She had a good time with her daughter and "the channel" in her brain changed. Even when Margie's daughter left she was in a good mood. We watched TV and talked and enjoyed the rest of the day. So it wasn't a bad day, just a very bad moment that seemed to drag on for so long. 


~I have to ask.. when you are in a situation like this what do you do? Or what would you do? At moments like this I could use some help so if you have any ideas or pointers you could give me I would be very grateful. Thanks! -Danielle 

Long day-Great night

     Today was a long day. Margie did not want to get up this morning, and grogginess persisted throughout the day. And since she was tired that made her cranky on and off through the day. 
     When I finally got her up and into the bathroom she didn't like me cleaning up her bottom so she kept pulling on my hair to get me away from her. It worked because I took a step back and asked her what she wanted to eat and what she wanted to do today until she perked up a little bit. Then she didn't mind getting refreshed for the day.
      At breakfast Margie kept sighing and pushing her food away. I finally got her to eat all of her coleslaw and a yogurt and some mixed fruit and nuts. After she ate and had her pills she kept closing her eyes and resting her head on her hand. I got out the colors and she did a little coloring before the sighing and eye resting came back. After that I put on a movie and did some cleaning around her until 2:30 P.M. came around and I put her down for a nap. 
     After her nap she was slightly more alert but she kept saying, "You need to help those ladies." And, "Why won't you give them their food back?" And a few other things like that, but at least she did eat her salad and fruit really well. That is a good sign when she eats well and by herself. 
     So, after supper I turned on Cinderella and she enjoyed that very much. We watched the movie for a while, but I could see that Margie was getting sleepy. It wasn't even 7:30 P.M. so it was a bit to early to go to bed. I did decided to get her PJ's on though. After that we finished the movie  
     At a few minutes after eight I could see that Margie was ready to fall asleep. So I gave her all the pills she needs to take and put her in bed and tucked her in. Then I proceeded to say prayers with her and talk about the day we had. It's routine. And I always make Margie say, "I will sleep all night long."
     I got ready to have her say that by saying, "Margie, sweetie?" And she replied, "Yes Danielle?" She said my name! I choked up for a second before I continued saying, "I need to to repeat after me, Margie. Say, 'I will sleep all night long.'" And she repeated what I said a couple of times. I told her I love her and to sleep tight and she was sound asleep. 
     When I shut her bedroom door I stood there for a moment. Honestly, I got tears in my eyes. Margie remembered me and she knew my name! She has said my name a few times but not very often. This time really hit me. Margie can barely remember her own name but she remembered mine in that moment. It is a wonderful and fantastic feeling. I texted Margie's daughters and told them that she made my week. And she did. This is another great memory.  
     
     
     

Too cute!

I just turned on some music for Margie because she said she didn't want to get up! She started wiggling her feet to the sound of the music and I asked her if she is dancing in bed. She said yes and the she started wiggling her butt and legs in a semi dance way. She is just way to cute! 

The Last Week....

     I must say that this last week has been beyond fantastic. There were some bad days but five good days out of seven is fantastic. And the absolute best part about this week is that Margie had her 91st birthday! 
    The start of this week is when the bad days happened. I was struggling to get Margie to stand up when I would take her to the bathroom. Also, she kept saying mean things to me. But we got through those bad days and that's when the good five days started. 
    For five days, minus a few hours, Margie was in the best mood. This last week has filled me with energy and made me feel great. When Margie is happy and full of energy her mood passes on to me. Days like these are what make this job. 
    There are more bad days then good days lately. That's why I'm never going to forget these good days. Days like this are what keep me going. When the day is bad and seems like it is never going to end I think back on all these good days. I love Margie and I'm glad I get to spend everyday with her.
    Tonight makes these last few days even better. Margie and some of her friends and family came to celebrate her birthday! She had so much fun tonight. The best part of the night is when she stuck her finger into her cake and licked it off. 
    After all the fun I brought Margie back to our apartment and gave her all of her pills. We were talking about her birthday party. She told me to tell everyone that she had a wonderful time and thank you. It was a fantastic week and night. 

 Miss Margie

91st Birthday Party!

    

10 Activities to do With Someone With Dementia

10 Activities to do With Someone With Dementia 

Here is a list of several things I do with Margie to keep her busy and entertained throughout the day. I hope that you can use them with your loved one(s) as well. 

1. Coloring. It really does work. If your loved one objects or says they are too old or anything similar tell them that you are doing it for someone else. I tell Margie that we are coloring for kids in elementary school because take pictures that people to color to show and tell. Or I say we are coloring for Christmas cards, Valentines cards, birthday cards, thank you cards, etc.. 
2. Folding. Give your loved one wash cloths or small towels or anything really that they can fold. Tell them they are helping you with the laundry. Show them that you are folding some clothes as well. Margie loves thinking that she is helping out.
3. Music. Whether it is popping in a CD from his or her era, or singing, or talking about music this is something that works very well. It helps calm down people and cheers them up. Now if the person you are caring for has always hated music then you should pass on this activity. 
4. Games. Make up a card game or a dice game. Pretend that he or she is playing right. Go with the flow. When they "score" cheer and say great job! The card game I play most with Margie is matching games. I use all different cards and ask her to find one of the same color or size or matching picture. Sometimes she gets bored with it but most of the time she things is a good card game. 
5. Movies. Put in a good movie from his or her era. Margie loves Sound of Music and it helps her cheer up a lot. I'm kind of tired of watching it so I just grab a chair and sit next to her and play games on my phone while she watches the movie. Every few minutes I make a comment about the dresses or the music or scenery and that makes her even more interested.
6. Sorting. Grab some colored Popsicle sticks or foam sheets, or plastic animals, or whatever and ask the person you are caring for to sort them. Say you need them sorted for a project that you are going to do together. Or ask them to count them.  There are so many things to do with them. Mix a bunch of things together and ask him or her to sort them. 
7. Reading. Grab a book and start reading. Margie likes picture books best because of the bright colors and fun pictures. Choose a book that you think her or she will like and start reading. Ask him or her what she thinks. Ask them if they are enjoying it. Keep them involved and share your comments as well. Tell him or her why you like the book so much. 
8. Food. Use food as a distraction. Give your loved one a healthy snack that is like a treat. Eat one yourself and share your comments about how good it is and what you could do to make it taste even better. 
9. Stories. If you are taking care of a relative remind them that you used to do this together. Talk about that. And if you are caring for a stranger then tell them about your first pet. Or maybe the bike you got for Christmas one year. Or anything that you can think of. You can even make some things up if you think it will make him or her more curious/involved. 
10. Questions. Try and get the person you are caring for to think and remember. Ask him or her about traditions he or she did on the holidays or about camping trips he or she took. Ask him or her how if they ever went to Paris. Ask all sorts of things. Sometimes, most of the time, it will be made up or scrambled but act like you know what he or is is saying. 

Yesterday....

January 30, 2014

Yesterday was such a wonderful day. I bet yesterday was the best day that Margie has had in a few months. She gave me lots of energy and made me feel good. When we were sitting at the kitchen table coloring, she looked at the clock up on the wall and said, "It's 12:15!" And she was right! That is the first time she has ever seen and said the right time with me. I about fell over in my chair. Little things like that happened throughout the day. When night time rolled around she wasn't as alert but she was still happy and enjoying all the activities we were doing.  It was such a fantastic day and I'm hoping today is just as great. 

My Past Week.....

January 22, 2014 

It was a nightmare trying to get Margie out of bed. I was struggling to get her out of bed for well over an hour. Thankfully I was finally able to get her ready. But all day long she kept tipping over in her chair. A few times I thought she would take a face plant into the floor she was tipping over so badly. I kept her in front of a table 99% of the time but that didn't help. She was so, so, so confused. I tried to help clear things up for her but that only made it worse. I just made her comfortable during the day. 


January 23, 2014

A difficult day. I started waking Margie up at about 10 in the morning. I use music and turn on all light and open the curtain to help her wake up. But she would not budge until past noon and it was war trying to get her up. She didn't want to listen at all. But I got her to her chair and then to the bathroom with a lot of work. 
When we got out of the kitchen she started talking funny. She was saying very incoherent things. The only one I remember clearly is that she was saying that her daughter Pat was walking past her and that she looked at her and looked again and didn't realize that she was getting a new torso. It did not change for the rest of the day. 


January 24, 2014

Not a good day at all. When I got Margie up I got her to the bathroom and dressed and cleaned for the day. I got her up to get her into her wheel chair and she decided that she needed to sit instantly. I caught her and kept her upright but she would not budge or let go of her bar in her bathroom. I was trying to get her to let go and keep her up at the same time. It was hard. When she did finally let go she would not stand at all. I could not get her to put any weight on her legs so I had to carry her about five feet. That started the bad day and I was instantly exhausted. 
Things didn't change much when I got her to the kitchen for breakfast. She started saying dammit at everything, especially me, and then she threw her half full yogurt container at me. Margie's daughter Pat called and she couldn't get her to focus either. 
After Margie's bed nap I had trouble getting her out of bed. I asked her why and she said, "Because the silk.. the silk fires are eating the bathroom." I had to step away and let her listen to music for a bit to change the channel in her mind. I got her up and her daughter Barb showed off. Barb too her down to my apartment's pool. 
When they got back Barb helped me get her to bed. That was beyond difficult. Margie would not walk or stand at all. Barb and I had to do all of the work. She kept locking up and tightening her body when fighting us so it made it 100 times harder. We did get her to bed though. It was very difficult though. 


January 25, 2014

I got a break! I got Margie ready for the day (in bed) and she was a little tired but she was calm. Lisa had some errands to run so she asked me if I wanted to go with and her son would sit with Margie. I said yes of course. 
And when I got back things went really well. Margie was talking goofy but she was entertained with odd things and talking happily and smiling. 
But that night it got difficult. She did not want to get up or walk or stand or anything of the sort. When I was getting her pajamas on she nipped my shoulder/shirt and kept flailing her arms and kicking her legs. But I got her to bed and she crashed. 


January 26, 201

The day started out very well. Margie got up easily and was perky and full of energy. Lisa and her family came over and had lunch with us and afterwards Margie had a nap in her recliner for an hour. After I woke her up and took her to the bathroom she started getting really ticked off. I took her to the kitchen and gave her some popcorn and her mood turned worse. She started blaming me for the dirty and wet butterflies, and then she dumped out all of her popcorn and threw the container at me. I picked it up and doodled for a little bit and then she yelled at me to stop sticking my feet in her face. I just bit my tongue and waited until 3 P.M. and then put her in bed for a little nap. 
After her nap things were the same if not worse. I got her up and took her to the bathroom like always. She was fighting with all her might. I got her pajamas on and night time Depends on just in case she would not get up for another bathroom break. I'm glad I did that. I got her out of the kitchen for supper and she ate a little bit but was yelling at me and calling me horrible and all sorts of names. 
Her daughter Pat called and that cheered her up for a little bit but that did not last. About 10 or 15 minutes after the call ended Margie was back to yelling at me. I let all those words go in one ear and out the other. 


January 27, 2014

I started a new trick. It was Lisa's idea to have me start telling Margie my name and that I am her caregiver and that I take care of her in her home every time she wakes up or is confused. That did help. I said that several times during the day and it seemed to work. It's not perfect but it helps and that's all that matters. It was a good day. 

January 10th through January 21st 2014

January 10, 2014

This was a good day. During the night when I checked on her, her covers were tore back a bit but I covered her back up and she slept well. The day started slow. Margie was not cranky but she was tired. But after I got her up she perked up and felt great. We both had a very good day. 


January 11, 2014

It was a good day, but Margie was groggy and sleepy all day. She was happy and relaxed but kept her eyes closed a bit. Her friend Natalie came over and sat with her at 7 P.M. until 10 P.M. while I went out and had a little break! 


January 12, 2014 

Margie ended up on the floor! I checked on her at 9:00 A.M. and went and cleaned up the kitchen. I checked on her again at 9: 15 A.M. and in that fifteen minutes she ended up on the floor. I was dumbfounded because her bedroom door was open and I was only a few short steps away and did not hear a single thing. She did not scream or yell or talk at all. 
I got her up off the floor all by myself. I did it in steps. I got a short foot stool and got her onto that, and then got her onto a shorter chair and then into her wheel chair. That worked pretty well. 
After that, Margie's daughter, Lisa, and her family came over for lunch. She was a little sleepy during that time but did well. The rest of the day was the same. She was tired and a little out of it but was not cranky or in a bad mood. 


January 13, 2014

On the floor again! Margie has had barely any falls with me so I was discouraged with myself. But this time was her toilet chairs fault. The leg of her comode broke. I was sitting a few feet away on her bed while she finished going to the bathroom. I saw her tipping and flew up to catch her but I was too late. I could not catch her before she hit the floor. I panicked for a second because I was in such utter shock. But I got it together and pulled her pants up as far as possible and covered her up and put a pill under her head. I called three of her daughters. Lisa was going to come and help but a friend of hers that lives close by said she would come. But before she got here Margie's other daughter Barb got here and helped me get her up. Thankfully Margie was not hurt at all. I gave her a pain pill after she got some food in her stomach because I knew even though she wasn't hurt that she would be in pain. The reset of the day went well. 


January 14, 2014 

It was hard to get Margie up in the morning but the rest of the day went fantastically. Margie was happy and full of smiles and energy! It was a great day! 


January 15, 2014

The day started off really well but as the day progress she started to get cranky. Her daughter Barb came over and that helped for a bit. But after her nap in bed she woke up in a furious mood. She did not want to get up at all. When I did finally get her up and done in the bathroom I gave her some food and had her daughter Pat call. That fixed everything. 


January 16, 2014 

A difficult day. It was hard to get Margie up in the morning. She was out of it all day. Constantly she was tipping over in her chair or hanging her head low, or sighing and closing her eyes. She did not want to do anything or deal with anything. That made things hard for me because when I tired to help her she would fight me. But we got through the day. 


January 17, 2014

It was a fair day. The morning was interesting because she peed on the floor in front of the toilet. This has happened before and I had to throw my slippers away. But my slippers made it this time! If this happens to you don't panic. You can try to rush your loved one to the toilet but I just waited for Margie to finish. I didn't want her to slip while trying to get her to sit. I know it would be too much commotion for her. She I waited and had her step backwards until she could sit down properly. I put some gloves on and threw her clothes in the bathtub and cleaned everything up. No harm done. 
That was the only eventful thing during the day. Margie was sleepy and quiet the rest of the day. 


January 18, 2014

Bath day! Margie got a bath this morning. My mom was here and helped me. I was so grateful for that. The rest of the day went by quietly. Margie was sleepy and watched the sound of music and relaxed and watched my mom play games. She enjoyed that. 


January 19, 2014

Horrible day for me! I got Margie up and out of bed and ready for the day. She had a nice breakfast of yogurt, dry cereal, and dried apricots. After breakfast Margie always gets her morning pills. She was fighting the entire time and kept pushing them out and trying to spit them. I got close to her face so I could look her in the eye. I started tell her that she needs to take them. During those seconds she decided to spit them out and they went directly into my mouth. I hurled into the garbage, sat some foam butterflies in front of Margie, ran to the bathroom and brushed my teeth a million times, and then sent Lisa and Pat a message and then called my mom, bawling. I was just horrified and so I cried to get it off my chest. I did. I'm okay now but I make sure I don't get close to Margie like that when she is taking her pills. 


January 20, 2014

Not much to say about this day. It was a very slow and relaxing day. 


January 21, 2014

Bad day. Margie woke up with a horrible neck ache and kept blaming me for it. I ended up getting her ready in bed because she would not sit up at all. After I got her bottoms on I got her arms around me and wrapped my arms around her and pivoted her into her wheel chair and changed her top. The rest of the day included food throwing, name calling, curse words, and a very exhausted me. 






~What can I say about all of this? As you can tell it is constantly changing. And dementia is progressive and it will only get worse. Some days, like the day her comode broke and the day she spit in my mouth, I freak out. I've mentioned that I keep it in but sometimes it comes out. Those days it did come out. The day her comode broke I felt so bad. I sat on the floor next to her while I waited for help and stroked her hair and kept saying sorry over and over again. She calmed me down by telling me that she's not her and she's okay. And the day she spit in my mouth I revolted backwards so fast to get to the garbage I can't even imagine the look I had on my face or what she saw. I made sure she had activities in front of her before I stepped away to clean out my mouth and yell very strong curse words under my breath. Things like this happen and if it happens again I will be better prepared. Each experience is a learning experience especially when dealing with dementia. 
Show your loved one constant love and understanding. And if you are taking care of a stranger show them constant love and understanding. If it's difficult close your eyes and think about if that was you when you get to be 80 plus. Do you want someone to blow up at you or get mad at you? Of course not. When things get hard just think of that. If it was you in his or her position you would want them to be patient with you even though you have no idea what it is you are doing.

Stay strong, 
Danielle 

Today's Start

01/09/2014     

     Today has barely started and it is already turning out to be a very, very difficult day. This morning when I woke Margie I was excited to see that last night did not drag into today. She was happy and seemed full of energy and joy for the bright and beautiful day. 

     That, however, did not last. For lunch I made us each a salad. Margie loves salad and was excited to eat. After the third or forth bite things started to change. She started to make faces at me and the food and her water. And then she started picking on the the coloring books I had on the floor next to my chair. 
     It did not stop there. She started having trouble eating so I tried helping her. She did not like that at all. At first she just kept telling me that it was going to fall and I was going to make a huge mess. I just let that go in one ear and out the other. I kept trying to help her because she couldn't find her fork and she kept sticking her fingers into her salad. I moved her fork towards her and she shoved my hand away and glared at me. 
     "Margie I'm just trying to help you. Please let me help you," I told her while trying to guide her had to the fork. That was a big mistake. 
     She ripped her hand away and threw stick salad at me. I bit my tongue and stepped away and let her try and figure it out herself. Well, she didn't eat anymore and continued to throw salad everywhere. That was my cue to take away her bowl and clean her up. 
     I got a clean dish rag and wet it with warm water since she hates anything cold touching her. She kept fighting against me as I wiped all the salad dressing and lettuce off of her fingers. She then told me to stop ruining the pictures. I just ignored it all and continued cleaning her up. 
     When I started to pick lettuce off of her clothes she yelled at me, "If you don't stop I'll make that man hit you in the head with that water bottle." 
     "Margie there is no man here so he won't hit me in the head with the water bottle," I replied to her in a monotone voice. 
     That's when I started to wipe off the table in front of her. I didn't see her, but she grabbed my water bottle and hit me in the neck. Then cap flipped open and my tea slipped all over me. Thankfully it was almost gone.
     After that I immediately took her too her bedroom and helped her into bed. That in itself was another fight since she didn't want me to touch her. But I got her into bed and helped her lay down and covered her up and walked out of the room.
     This morning I was so excited when she seemed excited. But with dementia that is how fast things change. One moment is fun and bright and then the next is the polar opposite. 
     I put Margie in bed because usually after she sleeps things reset and a new book starts. She is sleeping now and I'm crossing my fingers and praying that when I get her up in an hour she is happy and stays that way. If not then I will just have to grin and bear it.    

A Difficult Night...

01/08/2014

   Yesterday and yesterday evening was pretty good with only a few bumps in the road, but last night was very difficult. Last night Margie and I were watching a Walt Disney movie and everything was going really well.  
   Well, near the end of our movie I noticed that she was closing here eyes a lot and yawning. At that time it was only about 7 in the evening. So I decided that I would get her pajamas on and we would finish the movie and have some ice cream and just relax. 
   However, that didn't work at all. I brought Margie into her bedroom and stopped by her bathroom door. Usually she can walk from the doorway into the bathroom with my help. But last night that didn't work. So I pushed her wheel chair into the bathroom and tried to get her to stand and hold on to her bar. That did not work out either. I tried a few more things and they also failed. 
   That is when things got bad. Margie went from being sleepy and not wanting to cooperate to being extremely mad. She kept yelling at me to leave her alone and that she didn't want any help. She was screaming at the top of her lungs and telling me not to touch her and get away from her and that she hates me.
   I kept trying to calm her down but nothing was working. I asked her to stop being mean to me because it hurt my feelings and made me sad. I told her that I was just trying to help her. That only made her madder. I tried holding her hand and stroking her arm and rubbing her back because that sometimes helps. But not last night. 
   The only thing that touch did to her last night is make her more angry and mad. Margie kept fighting me and kicking me in the shin and shoving me and punching me in the stomach. During the fighting process she got her finger into the tiny hole in my shirt and turned it into a seven inch hole in my shirt.  
   That's when I gave up and left the room and called her daughter Lisa. I told Lisa that I needed some help. She asked me if she wanted me to talk to Margie on the phone and get her to calm down. I knew that would not be enough so I asked her to come over and help me. She told me she was on her way. 
   While I waited for Lisa to get here I got Margie's pills and tried to give them to her. The two most important pills, her sleeping pills, I got into her thankfully. The other ones were spit out or chewed. But at least some of them were in her even though that process made her more upset with me. 
   At that time Lisa showed up. Margie cheered up a little bit when she showed up. We took her out of the bathroom and let her calm down a bit and Lisa talked with her. 
   After a while Lisa and I tried again to get Margie's pajamas on and to use the restroom. The anger and shouting and yelling started all over again. It took both of us to get her up. Lisa had to hold her while I positioned her to sit down on her toilet chair. It was a work out. At least getting her off of the toilet wasn't as big of an ordeal. It was still difficult but at least she stood up partially with her own power. 
   So she was all ready for bed and we had her sit back in her wheel chair and moved her to the side of her bed. I thought things would work out pretty well since she got up fairly well in the bathroom. But that was just wishful thinking. I tried to get Margie to give me a hug so I could use my strength to get her out of her wheel chair and into bed. Well, she started squeezing my neck with her arms so that failed. Honestly, I can't remember how Lisa and I got her into bed but we did it. 
   After Margie was tucked into bed I left the room and let Lisa pray with Margie and talk her to sleep. Usually I do that but last night burned me out and I had to step away and sit down and take a deep breath. I don't let these situations stress me out. Well, I guess I should say I try not to let them stress me out. After all this was over I was okay but during the process I was a bit stressed.
   Usually when Margie is being difficult I can handle it but last night was a different level that I had not seen for a long time. I've developed methods to get her up when she doesn't want to but none of those methods were working. She held her weight down and I could not budge her at all. 
   Thankfully though Lisa lives close by and could come and help me. It would have been a very long and tiresome night if she had not come and helped me. Thanks to the her we could get Margie snuggled into bed and have a peaceful night of rest.


-If you are taking care of someone that suffers from dementia days like this will occur. All I can say is try to keep a calm face in front of him or her. You can stress inside but don't show it on the outside until you are away. It makes things more scary for your loved one. I know that it is hard when he or she is being a handful. It took me a while to hide my emotions when things were so overwhelming I was ready to burst. I'm not saying I never slip now and then but try as hard as you can. It will eventually make things easier for you as well as for him or her. 
   




   

The Day I Started...

      On July 31, 2013 my life changed completely. I started taking care of Margie. She is 90 years old and suffers from the horrible disease dementia. The late afternoon of July 31st, Margie made the move from the nursing home where she was staying to the new apartment that her daughter Lisa found for us. 

      Soon after she reached the apartment Margie's daughter's took off to go get the rest of her belongings from the nursing home. I was left alone with Margie for the first time ever. To be honest I was very scared but excited.

      Margie and I sat outside on our patio for the hour that her daughters were gone and talked about the clouds and how the looked like cotton candy. She kept bringing up her dad and I wasn't sure how to answer at that moment so I kept changing the subject to the trees and grass and birds and anything that I could think of. It worked for a moment and would repeat. 

      When Margie's daughters got back I felt relief. I can't lie. I was glad they were back to help me. This was my first job taking care of someone so intensely and I wasn't sure how to handle every situation or how to reply when she brought up her deceased parents.  

      So when they got back, I got to observe how they handled her. I got to see their tricks to make her feel better when she got nervous and upset. I felt better knowing those little things, but I was still nervous to be on my own. Thankfully though, Margie's daughter Pat stayed with me the first week and helped me get Margie settled into her new home. 

      At the end of my first day I felt relief. That first day I learned a lot. I think back on that day now and it feels so long ago. I no longer feel nervous or scared. I know Margie so well now and know how to handle almost every situation. But I know that I will learn even more in the future. With dementia every day is different.