10 Activities to do With Someone With Dementia

10 Activities to do With Someone With Dementia 

Here is a list of several things I do with Margie to keep her busy and entertained throughout the day. I hope that you can use them with your loved one(s) as well. 

1. Coloring. It really does work. If your loved one objects or says they are too old or anything similar tell them that you are doing it for someone else. I tell Margie that we are coloring for kids in elementary school because take pictures that people to color to show and tell. Or I say we are coloring for Christmas cards, Valentines cards, birthday cards, thank you cards, etc.. 
2. Folding. Give your loved one wash cloths or small towels or anything really that they can fold. Tell them they are helping you with the laundry. Show them that you are folding some clothes as well. Margie loves thinking that she is helping out.
3. Music. Whether it is popping in a CD from his or her era, or singing, or talking about music this is something that works very well. It helps calm down people and cheers them up. Now if the person you are caring for has always hated music then you should pass on this activity. 
4. Games. Make up a card game or a dice game. Pretend that he or she is playing right. Go with the flow. When they "score" cheer and say great job! The card game I play most with Margie is matching games. I use all different cards and ask her to find one of the same color or size or matching picture. Sometimes she gets bored with it but most of the time she things is a good card game. 
5. Movies. Put in a good movie from his or her era. Margie loves Sound of Music and it helps her cheer up a lot. I'm kind of tired of watching it so I just grab a chair and sit next to her and play games on my phone while she watches the movie. Every few minutes I make a comment about the dresses or the music or scenery and that makes her even more interested.
6. Sorting. Grab some colored Popsicle sticks or foam sheets, or plastic animals, or whatever and ask the person you are caring for to sort them. Say you need them sorted for a project that you are going to do together. Or ask them to count them.  There are so many things to do with them. Mix a bunch of things together and ask him or her to sort them. 
7. Reading. Grab a book and start reading. Margie likes picture books best because of the bright colors and fun pictures. Choose a book that you think her or she will like and start reading. Ask him or her what she thinks. Ask them if they are enjoying it. Keep them involved and share your comments as well. Tell him or her why you like the book so much. 
8. Food. Use food as a distraction. Give your loved one a healthy snack that is like a treat. Eat one yourself and share your comments about how good it is and what you could do to make it taste even better. 
9. Stories. If you are taking care of a relative remind them that you used to do this together. Talk about that. And if you are caring for a stranger then tell them about your first pet. Or maybe the bike you got for Christmas one year. Or anything that you can think of. You can even make some things up if you think it will make him or her more curious/involved. 
10. Questions. Try and get the person you are caring for to think and remember. Ask him or her about traditions he or she did on the holidays or about camping trips he or she took. Ask him or her how if they ever went to Paris. Ask all sorts of things. Sometimes, most of the time, it will be made up or scrambled but act like you know what he or is is saying. 

Yesterday....

January 30, 2014

Yesterday was such a wonderful day. I bet yesterday was the best day that Margie has had in a few months. She gave me lots of energy and made me feel good. When we were sitting at the kitchen table coloring, she looked at the clock up on the wall and said, "It's 12:15!" And she was right! That is the first time she has ever seen and said the right time with me. I about fell over in my chair. Little things like that happened throughout the day. When night time rolled around she wasn't as alert but she was still happy and enjoying all the activities we were doing.  It was such a fantastic day and I'm hoping today is just as great. 

My Past Week.....

January 22, 2014 

It was a nightmare trying to get Margie out of bed. I was struggling to get her out of bed for well over an hour. Thankfully I was finally able to get her ready. But all day long she kept tipping over in her chair. A few times I thought she would take a face plant into the floor she was tipping over so badly. I kept her in front of a table 99% of the time but that didn't help. She was so, so, so confused. I tried to help clear things up for her but that only made it worse. I just made her comfortable during the day. 


January 23, 2014

A difficult day. I started waking Margie up at about 10 in the morning. I use music and turn on all light and open the curtain to help her wake up. But she would not budge until past noon and it was war trying to get her up. She didn't want to listen at all. But I got her to her chair and then to the bathroom with a lot of work. 
When we got out of the kitchen she started talking funny. She was saying very incoherent things. The only one I remember clearly is that she was saying that her daughter Pat was walking past her and that she looked at her and looked again and didn't realize that she was getting a new torso. It did not change for the rest of the day. 


January 24, 2014

Not a good day at all. When I got Margie up I got her to the bathroom and dressed and cleaned for the day. I got her up to get her into her wheel chair and she decided that she needed to sit instantly. I caught her and kept her upright but she would not budge or let go of her bar in her bathroom. I was trying to get her to let go and keep her up at the same time. It was hard. When she did finally let go she would not stand at all. I could not get her to put any weight on her legs so I had to carry her about five feet. That started the bad day and I was instantly exhausted. 
Things didn't change much when I got her to the kitchen for breakfast. She started saying dammit at everything, especially me, and then she threw her half full yogurt container at me. Margie's daughter Pat called and she couldn't get her to focus either. 
After Margie's bed nap I had trouble getting her out of bed. I asked her why and she said, "Because the silk.. the silk fires are eating the bathroom." I had to step away and let her listen to music for a bit to change the channel in her mind. I got her up and her daughter Barb showed off. Barb too her down to my apartment's pool. 
When they got back Barb helped me get her to bed. That was beyond difficult. Margie would not walk or stand at all. Barb and I had to do all of the work. She kept locking up and tightening her body when fighting us so it made it 100 times harder. We did get her to bed though. It was very difficult though. 


January 25, 2014

I got a break! I got Margie ready for the day (in bed) and she was a little tired but she was calm. Lisa had some errands to run so she asked me if I wanted to go with and her son would sit with Margie. I said yes of course. 
And when I got back things went really well. Margie was talking goofy but she was entertained with odd things and talking happily and smiling. 
But that night it got difficult. She did not want to get up or walk or stand or anything of the sort. When I was getting her pajamas on she nipped my shoulder/shirt and kept flailing her arms and kicking her legs. But I got her to bed and she crashed. 


January 26, 201

The day started out very well. Margie got up easily and was perky and full of energy. Lisa and her family came over and had lunch with us and afterwards Margie had a nap in her recliner for an hour. After I woke her up and took her to the bathroom she started getting really ticked off. I took her to the kitchen and gave her some popcorn and her mood turned worse. She started blaming me for the dirty and wet butterflies, and then she dumped out all of her popcorn and threw the container at me. I picked it up and doodled for a little bit and then she yelled at me to stop sticking my feet in her face. I just bit my tongue and waited until 3 P.M. and then put her in bed for a little nap. 
After her nap things were the same if not worse. I got her up and took her to the bathroom like always. She was fighting with all her might. I got her pajamas on and night time Depends on just in case she would not get up for another bathroom break. I'm glad I did that. I got her out of the kitchen for supper and she ate a little bit but was yelling at me and calling me horrible and all sorts of names. 
Her daughter Pat called and that cheered her up for a little bit but that did not last. About 10 or 15 minutes after the call ended Margie was back to yelling at me. I let all those words go in one ear and out the other. 


January 27, 2014

I started a new trick. It was Lisa's idea to have me start telling Margie my name and that I am her caregiver and that I take care of her in her home every time she wakes up or is confused. That did help. I said that several times during the day and it seemed to work. It's not perfect but it helps and that's all that matters. It was a good day. 

January 10th through January 21st 2014

January 10, 2014

This was a good day. During the night when I checked on her, her covers were tore back a bit but I covered her back up and she slept well. The day started slow. Margie was not cranky but she was tired. But after I got her up she perked up and felt great. We both had a very good day. 


January 11, 2014

It was a good day, but Margie was groggy and sleepy all day. She was happy and relaxed but kept her eyes closed a bit. Her friend Natalie came over and sat with her at 7 P.M. until 10 P.M. while I went out and had a little break! 


January 12, 2014 

Margie ended up on the floor! I checked on her at 9:00 A.M. and went and cleaned up the kitchen. I checked on her again at 9: 15 A.M. and in that fifteen minutes she ended up on the floor. I was dumbfounded because her bedroom door was open and I was only a few short steps away and did not hear a single thing. She did not scream or yell or talk at all. 
I got her up off the floor all by myself. I did it in steps. I got a short foot stool and got her onto that, and then got her onto a shorter chair and then into her wheel chair. That worked pretty well. 
After that, Margie's daughter, Lisa, and her family came over for lunch. She was a little sleepy during that time but did well. The rest of the day was the same. She was tired and a little out of it but was not cranky or in a bad mood. 


January 13, 2014

On the floor again! Margie has had barely any falls with me so I was discouraged with myself. But this time was her toilet chairs fault. The leg of her comode broke. I was sitting a few feet away on her bed while she finished going to the bathroom. I saw her tipping and flew up to catch her but I was too late. I could not catch her before she hit the floor. I panicked for a second because I was in such utter shock. But I got it together and pulled her pants up as far as possible and covered her up and put a pill under her head. I called three of her daughters. Lisa was going to come and help but a friend of hers that lives close by said she would come. But before she got here Margie's other daughter Barb got here and helped me get her up. Thankfully Margie was not hurt at all. I gave her a pain pill after she got some food in her stomach because I knew even though she wasn't hurt that she would be in pain. The reset of the day went well. 


January 14, 2014 

It was hard to get Margie up in the morning but the rest of the day went fantastically. Margie was happy and full of smiles and energy! It was a great day! 


January 15, 2014

The day started off really well but as the day progress she started to get cranky. Her daughter Barb came over and that helped for a bit. But after her nap in bed she woke up in a furious mood. She did not want to get up at all. When I did finally get her up and done in the bathroom I gave her some food and had her daughter Pat call. That fixed everything. 


January 16, 2014 

A difficult day. It was hard to get Margie up in the morning. She was out of it all day. Constantly she was tipping over in her chair or hanging her head low, or sighing and closing her eyes. She did not want to do anything or deal with anything. That made things hard for me because when I tired to help her she would fight me. But we got through the day. 


January 17, 2014

It was a fair day. The morning was interesting because she peed on the floor in front of the toilet. This has happened before and I had to throw my slippers away. But my slippers made it this time! If this happens to you don't panic. You can try to rush your loved one to the toilet but I just waited for Margie to finish. I didn't want her to slip while trying to get her to sit. I know it would be too much commotion for her. She I waited and had her step backwards until she could sit down properly. I put some gloves on and threw her clothes in the bathtub and cleaned everything up. No harm done. 
That was the only eventful thing during the day. Margie was sleepy and quiet the rest of the day. 


January 18, 2014

Bath day! Margie got a bath this morning. My mom was here and helped me. I was so grateful for that. The rest of the day went by quietly. Margie was sleepy and watched the sound of music and relaxed and watched my mom play games. She enjoyed that. 


January 19, 2014

Horrible day for me! I got Margie up and out of bed and ready for the day. She had a nice breakfast of yogurt, dry cereal, and dried apricots. After breakfast Margie always gets her morning pills. She was fighting the entire time and kept pushing them out and trying to spit them. I got close to her face so I could look her in the eye. I started tell her that she needs to take them. During those seconds she decided to spit them out and they went directly into my mouth. I hurled into the garbage, sat some foam butterflies in front of Margie, ran to the bathroom and brushed my teeth a million times, and then sent Lisa and Pat a message and then called my mom, bawling. I was just horrified and so I cried to get it off my chest. I did. I'm okay now but I make sure I don't get close to Margie like that when she is taking her pills. 


January 20, 2014

Not much to say about this day. It was a very slow and relaxing day. 


January 21, 2014

Bad day. Margie woke up with a horrible neck ache and kept blaming me for it. I ended up getting her ready in bed because she would not sit up at all. After I got her bottoms on I got her arms around me and wrapped my arms around her and pivoted her into her wheel chair and changed her top. The rest of the day included food throwing, name calling, curse words, and a very exhausted me. 






~What can I say about all of this? As you can tell it is constantly changing. And dementia is progressive and it will only get worse. Some days, like the day her comode broke and the day she spit in my mouth, I freak out. I've mentioned that I keep it in but sometimes it comes out. Those days it did come out. The day her comode broke I felt so bad. I sat on the floor next to her while I waited for help and stroked her hair and kept saying sorry over and over again. She calmed me down by telling me that she's not her and she's okay. And the day she spit in my mouth I revolted backwards so fast to get to the garbage I can't even imagine the look I had on my face or what she saw. I made sure she had activities in front of her before I stepped away to clean out my mouth and yell very strong curse words under my breath. Things like this happen and if it happens again I will be better prepared. Each experience is a learning experience especially when dealing with dementia. 
Show your loved one constant love and understanding. And if you are taking care of a stranger show them constant love and understanding. If it's difficult close your eyes and think about if that was you when you get to be 80 plus. Do you want someone to blow up at you or get mad at you? Of course not. When things get hard just think of that. If it was you in his or her position you would want them to be patient with you even though you have no idea what it is you are doing.

Stay strong, 
Danielle 

Today's Start

01/09/2014     

     Today has barely started and it is already turning out to be a very, very difficult day. This morning when I woke Margie I was excited to see that last night did not drag into today. She was happy and seemed full of energy and joy for the bright and beautiful day. 

     That, however, did not last. For lunch I made us each a salad. Margie loves salad and was excited to eat. After the third or forth bite things started to change. She started to make faces at me and the food and her water. And then she started picking on the the coloring books I had on the floor next to my chair. 
     It did not stop there. She started having trouble eating so I tried helping her. She did not like that at all. At first she just kept telling me that it was going to fall and I was going to make a huge mess. I just let that go in one ear and out the other. I kept trying to help her because she couldn't find her fork and she kept sticking her fingers into her salad. I moved her fork towards her and she shoved my hand away and glared at me. 
     "Margie I'm just trying to help you. Please let me help you," I told her while trying to guide her had to the fork. That was a big mistake. 
     She ripped her hand away and threw stick salad at me. I bit my tongue and stepped away and let her try and figure it out herself. Well, she didn't eat anymore and continued to throw salad everywhere. That was my cue to take away her bowl and clean her up. 
     I got a clean dish rag and wet it with warm water since she hates anything cold touching her. She kept fighting against me as I wiped all the salad dressing and lettuce off of her fingers. She then told me to stop ruining the pictures. I just ignored it all and continued cleaning her up. 
     When I started to pick lettuce off of her clothes she yelled at me, "If you don't stop I'll make that man hit you in the head with that water bottle." 
     "Margie there is no man here so he won't hit me in the head with the water bottle," I replied to her in a monotone voice. 
     That's when I started to wipe off the table in front of her. I didn't see her, but she grabbed my water bottle and hit me in the neck. Then cap flipped open and my tea slipped all over me. Thankfully it was almost gone.
     After that I immediately took her too her bedroom and helped her into bed. That in itself was another fight since she didn't want me to touch her. But I got her into bed and helped her lay down and covered her up and walked out of the room.
     This morning I was so excited when she seemed excited. But with dementia that is how fast things change. One moment is fun and bright and then the next is the polar opposite. 
     I put Margie in bed because usually after she sleeps things reset and a new book starts. She is sleeping now and I'm crossing my fingers and praying that when I get her up in an hour she is happy and stays that way. If not then I will just have to grin and bear it.    

A Difficult Night...

01/08/2014

   Yesterday and yesterday evening was pretty good with only a few bumps in the road, but last night was very difficult. Last night Margie and I were watching a Walt Disney movie and everything was going really well.  
   Well, near the end of our movie I noticed that she was closing here eyes a lot and yawning. At that time it was only about 7 in the evening. So I decided that I would get her pajamas on and we would finish the movie and have some ice cream and just relax. 
   However, that didn't work at all. I brought Margie into her bedroom and stopped by her bathroom door. Usually she can walk from the doorway into the bathroom with my help. But last night that didn't work. So I pushed her wheel chair into the bathroom and tried to get her to stand and hold on to her bar. That did not work out either. I tried a few more things and they also failed. 
   That is when things got bad. Margie went from being sleepy and not wanting to cooperate to being extremely mad. She kept yelling at me to leave her alone and that she didn't want any help. She was screaming at the top of her lungs and telling me not to touch her and get away from her and that she hates me.
   I kept trying to calm her down but nothing was working. I asked her to stop being mean to me because it hurt my feelings and made me sad. I told her that I was just trying to help her. That only made her madder. I tried holding her hand and stroking her arm and rubbing her back because that sometimes helps. But not last night. 
   The only thing that touch did to her last night is make her more angry and mad. Margie kept fighting me and kicking me in the shin and shoving me and punching me in the stomach. During the fighting process she got her finger into the tiny hole in my shirt and turned it into a seven inch hole in my shirt.  
   That's when I gave up and left the room and called her daughter Lisa. I told Lisa that I needed some help. She asked me if she wanted me to talk to Margie on the phone and get her to calm down. I knew that would not be enough so I asked her to come over and help me. She told me she was on her way. 
   While I waited for Lisa to get here I got Margie's pills and tried to give them to her. The two most important pills, her sleeping pills, I got into her thankfully. The other ones were spit out or chewed. But at least some of them were in her even though that process made her more upset with me. 
   At that time Lisa showed up. Margie cheered up a little bit when she showed up. We took her out of the bathroom and let her calm down a bit and Lisa talked with her. 
   After a while Lisa and I tried again to get Margie's pajamas on and to use the restroom. The anger and shouting and yelling started all over again. It took both of us to get her up. Lisa had to hold her while I positioned her to sit down on her toilet chair. It was a work out. At least getting her off of the toilet wasn't as big of an ordeal. It was still difficult but at least she stood up partially with her own power. 
   So she was all ready for bed and we had her sit back in her wheel chair and moved her to the side of her bed. I thought things would work out pretty well since she got up fairly well in the bathroom. But that was just wishful thinking. I tried to get Margie to give me a hug so I could use my strength to get her out of her wheel chair and into bed. Well, she started squeezing my neck with her arms so that failed. Honestly, I can't remember how Lisa and I got her into bed but we did it. 
   After Margie was tucked into bed I left the room and let Lisa pray with Margie and talk her to sleep. Usually I do that but last night burned me out and I had to step away and sit down and take a deep breath. I don't let these situations stress me out. Well, I guess I should say I try not to let them stress me out. After all this was over I was okay but during the process I was a bit stressed.
   Usually when Margie is being difficult I can handle it but last night was a different level that I had not seen for a long time. I've developed methods to get her up when she doesn't want to but none of those methods were working. She held her weight down and I could not budge her at all. 
   Thankfully though Lisa lives close by and could come and help me. It would have been a very long and tiresome night if she had not come and helped me. Thanks to the her we could get Margie snuggled into bed and have a peaceful night of rest.


-If you are taking care of someone that suffers from dementia days like this will occur. All I can say is try to keep a calm face in front of him or her. You can stress inside but don't show it on the outside until you are away. It makes things more scary for your loved one. I know that it is hard when he or she is being a handful. It took me a while to hide my emotions when things were so overwhelming I was ready to burst. I'm not saying I never slip now and then but try as hard as you can. It will eventually make things easier for you as well as for him or her. 
   




   

The Day I Started...

      On July 31, 2013 my life changed completely. I started taking care of Margie. She is 90 years old and suffers from the horrible disease dementia. The late afternoon of July 31st, Margie made the move from the nursing home where she was staying to the new apartment that her daughter Lisa found for us. 

      Soon after she reached the apartment Margie's daughter's took off to go get the rest of her belongings from the nursing home. I was left alone with Margie for the first time ever. To be honest I was very scared but excited.

      Margie and I sat outside on our patio for the hour that her daughters were gone and talked about the clouds and how the looked like cotton candy. She kept bringing up her dad and I wasn't sure how to answer at that moment so I kept changing the subject to the trees and grass and birds and anything that I could think of. It worked for a moment and would repeat. 

      When Margie's daughters got back I felt relief. I can't lie. I was glad they were back to help me. This was my first job taking care of someone so intensely and I wasn't sure how to handle every situation or how to reply when she brought up her deceased parents.  

      So when they got back, I got to observe how they handled her. I got to see their tricks to make her feel better when she got nervous and upset. I felt better knowing those little things, but I was still nervous to be on my own. Thankfully though, Margie's daughter Pat stayed with me the first week and helped me get Margie settled into her new home. 

      At the end of my first day I felt relief. That first day I learned a lot. I think back on that day now and it feels so long ago. I no longer feel nervous or scared. I know Margie so well now and know how to handle almost every situation. But I know that I will learn even more in the future. With dementia every day is different.